The Art of Being Your Own Best Friend

Here’s an article entitled “The Art of Being Your Own Best Friend” you may enjoy. Highly recommended!

Are you hard on yourself at times?  Is it difficult for you to make time for exercise, healthy food, or nurturing your spiritual life? Do you take time for yourself to do the things you love to do – those things that feed your soul?  What would your life be like if you treated yourself like your own best friend?

Contents:

• Sharpening Your Saw
• Perpetual Stress
• Being Your Own Best Friend
• How Would Your Life Look and Feel?
• Looking In All the Wrong Places
• Being Your Own Best Friend in the Realm of Your Mind
• Being Your Own Best Friend in Your Relationship with Your Body
• Being Your Own Best Friend in Your Spiritual Life
• What Stops Us From Being Our Own Best Friend?
• Common Beliefs That Get In The Way
• Not Good Enough?
• But I Don’t Have Time!
• Rewriting Your Belief Software
• Self-Care is the Best Health Care
• Making it OK to Have Fun
• It’s Possible!
• How to Practice Being Your Own Best Friend

Click here to read the remainder of the article, or download the pdf file.
(the full article is 6.5  pages printed)

Part 1 – Nature, A Gateway to Inner Peace

Nature – A Gateway to Inner Peace
© Dane Roubos, D.C.

Most people feel drawn to nature in some way. Some of us are die-hard nature lovers, attracted to anything from a potted plant to a remote, beautiful wilderness. Others may be drawn to a specific aspect of nature; water being the most popular.

What is it about nature that draws us? Exploring this for your self can lead to some valuable insights, so let’s take a look. Take a moment and imagine you’re having your favorite nature experience. Notice the “feeling” that comes when you think of this, and enjoy it for a couple of minutes before we go on.

If you have trouble connecting with a nature memory or visualizing it, try being with the accompanying photo, thinking as little as possible for a minute or two, with the intention of receiving it in your heart. It’s best to do this in a quiet place, without distractions. (Maximizing your browser window might help if you don’t see the whole photo)

Naming the “feeling” is not particularly important, but it’s often described as peace, stillness, unity, joy, love, etc. While all these are pleasurable, I think there is a lot more to our nature attraction than a pleasant feeling.

A Deeper Connection
Throughout our travels and backyard wanderings, Ariel and I have felt we were “feeding our souls” with nature, replenishing something that had been drained away by dealing with life in the complex, and often stressful, “civilized world” of human society.

I believe there’s another aspect of our attraction to, and need for, nature in our lives. Here it is (thunder roll please): consider the possibility that Nature reminds us of aspects of ourselves we’ve lost touch with, or forgotten. In other words, the good feelings we have when we’re around nature are naturally part of who we are. And these feelings, as good as they are, are probably only a faint glimmer of what is really there.

Deep in our soul rests a memory of our connection to Spirit, the Essence of Who We Are, beyond the confines of our body and mind. Here, we are whole and complete, without need for the conditional approval of society.

We embodied this sense of connection as young children, but gradually lost it as we adopted the beliefs of those around us, and learned to see ourselves as separate from God, Nature and each other.  Our preoccupation with the growing demands and distractions of the world also drew our attention away from this natural state.

Most of us have forgotten this early experience because of the strength of our developing mind and our culture’s belief in this apparent separation.  Spending quiet time with nature is a way to nurture this essential aspect of ourselves; keeping our batteries charged and our hearts connected to what is real and meaningful for us.

Even if you do not resonate with this idea, there are many benefits of spending time with nature in your favorite ways, particularly those which foster slowing your pace and quieting your mind. This, by itself, is known to relieve stress and improve health & well-being. You don’t have to be a card-carrying tree-hugger to receive some goodies from the trees!

Using nature to foster inner peace – a simple practice
The necessary ingredients are:
• A willingness to take time out from your usual activities, and allow yourself to be still.
• A quiet place in natural surroundings – it helps to have a spot or two close to your home where you can easily go for brief periods.

Get comfortable in your chosen spot.  If you’re sitting, it helps to have your back straight (rather than slouched), so you can breathe fully and easily.  Lying on Mother Earth is a wonderful way to absorb her calming energy.  If you’re adventurous, you might enjoy a comfy tree!

Make it your choice to engage with nature for a brief time, instead of the many thoughts that are likely to come, demanding your immediate attention. That stuff can wait 20 minutes, can it not? Use whatever time period works for you – as long as it’s enough for you to slow down and connect.  Even five minutes of good nature time can help you settle into a more peaceful space.

Allow your eyes to touch the beauty and life surrounding you, and open your heart as best you can to appreciate what is here in this moment.  Absorbing the simple elegance of a flower, cloud or water drop can soothe a stressful situation by bringing you back to the present from anxious thoughts about an imagined future.

No words or mental concepts are required. In fact, words and concepts tend to get in the way of a deeper experience of your heart, which your mind cannot grasp. Your mind can only think about your experience – it cannot have it.

Close your eyes and allow your awareness to drop beneath thought and words.  Nature’s sounds or a gentle breeze on your cheek might lull you into stillness.  Follow your breathing and simply feel what is in your body, your heart, and the earth upon which you rest.  When thoughts come knocking, simply return your awareness to your senses, body and breath.

Give this mini-vacation to yourself as often as you can, and let nature nurture your inner peace!

Peace & Blessings,
Dr. Dane

Go to: Part 2 – Cultivating Stillness

Go to: Part 3 – From Head to Heart

Part 2 – Cultivating Stillness

In Part 1, we looked at the gift of Nature and her ability to remind us of our own wholeness. Have you noticed anything new as you’ve spent more time with nature?

In this part, we’ll explore stillness, which will build on your experiences with Nature. When our mind slows down, we are more able to be relaxed, spontaneous, and in touch with the One from which we came. But first, we have to get past the “noise” which restricts our access to this natural flow.

Mind Chatter
We could say there are two types of “noise.” There is outer noise, which we hear with our ears, and inner noise, like the seemingly ceaseless chatter in our mind. This chatter is the product of our ego-minds, the part most of us identify with as “I.” Briefly, this is the “I” that believes it is our body, separate from everything and everyone else; even separate from God.

As part of this “outlook” on life, it generates a more or less continuous stream of judgments (opinions) of ourselves, others, and the world. It is the king/queen of right and wrong (usually assuming it is “right” and others are “wrong”).

Hamsters in Our Head?
This mind chatter can be likened to a crew of hamsters running on their wheels, with the same thoughts coming around again and again. There is constant activity, at least until they wear themselves out and take a little nap. Then they’re right back at it – they love to run on their wheels, especially when we’ve just had an argument with someone, and we’re trying to go to sleep!

We’ve all experienced the ego-mind’s talent for “disturbing the peace,” though there are many times when we are so identified with this “ego-mind” that we can’t step back and see it for what it is. When this occurs, we can only “react” to people and situations, usually in ways we later regret.

Another term that comes to me for this aspect is “amoeba-mind.” Amoebas, those cute little “mindless” blobs crawling around in the pond slime, demonstrate two particular behavior patterns common to humans and other creatures. They are seeking pleasure (or food in their case), and trying to avoid pain. It’s automatic, reactive survival stuff. It works pretty well if you’re an amoeba, but it can really screw things up in the realm of human relationships. You can probably recall an example from your own life in about a millisecond.

Cultivating Stillness
Some benefits of cultivating stillness are reduced “foot in mouth” experiences, and an enhanced ability to simply be present in the moment with whatever life sets in front of us, instead of reacting automatically. Stillness also offers the very best in stress reduction, because much of what people usually call stress is generated by our hyperactive hamsters. Now, there’s a scientific definition for you!

The heart creates the most powerful electrical field in the body; much stronger than the brain’s. Stillness fosters harmony between the electrical fields of the heart and brain, which has a calming and healing effect on all the cells of the body. But worried or pissed-off hamsters will discombobulate your energy field in a hurry (more scientific jargon)!

On a spiritual level, if our minds are restless, it’s hard to hear our Creator’s Voice speaking to us. Some refer to this as the “still, small voice within.”

Here is a quote from A Course in Miracles:
“Today He speaks to you. His Voice awaits your silence, for His Word can not be heard until your mind is quiet for a while, and meaningless desires have been stilled. Await His Word in quiet. There is peace within you to be called upon today, to help make ready your most holy mind to hear the Voice for its Creator speak.” (Workbook, p225)

The “most holy mind” referred to here is (I believe) the part of our mind still connected to, and in relationship with God (or The Creator, Spirit, Yahweh, Allah, the Great Mystery, or however you refer to the One from which you came).

The ego-mind (where the hamsters and amoebae live), is the part of our mind that perceives itself as separate from God, nature, and all our brothers & sisters, which creates an endless stream of difficulties.

On a personal level, this may manifest as fear, judgment, frustration, unhappiness, depression, compulsive achievement, greed, conflict in relationships, and other un-pleasantries. As a reflection of mass consciousness on a national or global level, it can become magnified into things like manipulation for power, deception, corporate greed, pollution, injustice, slavery and war.

“So, how do I get some of that stillness?” you ask. Easy, Wal-Mart has it on sale this week! Wait – don’t rush off, I was only kidding! Although if you observe advertising carefully, you will see that “happiness” is on sale almost everywhere, isn’t it? Well, the better you become at practicing stillness, the less susceptible you will be to manipulation by advertising’s little lies. So let’s get on with it!

The Ingredients
• Yourself
• Willingness to set aside some time to sit with the likely discomfort of your restless hamsters
• Willingness to just let yourself “Be,” without having to “Do” anything. (Constant doing can be a distraction to avoid uncomfortable feelings that are trying to get a “word” in edgewise)
• A safe, relatively quiet space

A Suggested Practice

• Sit or lie in a comfortable position (no physical suffering required)
• See if you can sense where the majority of your awareness (or energy) is focused in your body. Most of us in Western culture tend to be focused in our heads.
• Gently bring your awareness down into the area deep in the center of your chest, in the area of your upper heart.
• See if you can sense a “resting place” that you “drop into” or where you feel “cozy” or “held” in this area of your body. This place has been said to be our connection with our Soul, or our Creator. Try “nestling in” and see what you feel.
• Let your busy hamsters take a nap. If they get restless, just turn on their TV and bring your focus back to your “resting place.”
  If the TV doesn’t work, allow them be restless, without trying to do anything to fix them.
• Simply be present and feel whatever thoughts or feelings come up for you without giving it words or explanation (stories from the mind).
• The trick is to be a neutral observer of your thoughts or emotions, without getting caught up in them. Let them rest in the spaciousness of your heart, without resistance or engagement, and see/feel what happens.
• When (not if) you find yourself caught up in something, simply let it go, and return your awareness to your heart.
• If you are so inclined, you can ask to feel your Soul or your Creator holding you now.
• Hang out here as long as you like, as you keep bringing your awareness gently back to your “resting place” whenever you get distracted. This may occur every 10 seconds or so in the beginning (not kidding now).
• Notice how you feel when you’re done.

In your daily life:
Give this gift to yourself as often as you can, and notice how your mood and life experiences change as a result. The more you practice over time, the better you’ll feel, and the easier it will be to deal with normally stressful life situations. You are literally creating a new way of being in the world.

When you find yourself “rushing” (in your mind or body), notice how you feel inside when you’re in that mode. Compare this to the feeling you experience when you’ve settled into a nice stillness place. Is rushing a “well-oiled” groove you slip into? If so, what’s the rush? Really, what’s the rush? You can create a new “habit” of Inner Peace.

Notice the pattern of your thoughts when your amoeba-mind is jumping up and down, or hyperactive hamsters grab your attention away from the present moment. Make note of any familiar themes, and see if you can discern their source in your mind (e.g: fear-based beliefs, judgments of yourself or others, etc)

Let yourself take a time-out to step back, observe, and then make a new choice. This will take some practice, so don’t give up! (Hey, I’m still practicing!)

Blessings,
Dr. Dane

PS – If you feel you don’t have time to practice stillness, you will find this article helpful:
The Art of Being Your Own Best Friend

Go to:  Part 1 -  Nature’s Attraction

Go to: Part 3 – From Head to Heart