The Art of Being Your Own Best Friend

Here’s an article entitled “The Art of Being Your Own Best Friend” you may enjoy. Highly recommended!

Are you hard on yourself at times?  Is it difficult for you to make time for exercise, healthy food, or nurturing your spiritual life? Do you take time for yourself to do the things you love to do – those things that feed your soul?  What would your life be like if you treated yourself like your own best friend?

Contents:

• Sharpening Your Saw
• Perpetual Stress
• Being Your Own Best Friend
• How Would Your Life Look and Feel?
• Looking In All the Wrong Places
• Being Your Own Best Friend in the Realm of Your Mind
• Being Your Own Best Friend in Your Relationship with Your Body
• Being Your Own Best Friend in Your Spiritual Life
• What Stops Us From Being Our Own Best Friend?
• Common Beliefs That Get In The Way
• Not Good Enough?
• But I Don’t Have Time!
• Rewriting Your Belief Software
• Self-Care is the Best Health Care
• It’s Possible!
• How to Practice Being Your Own Best Friend

Click here to read the remainder of the article, or download the pdf file.
(the full article is 6 pages printed)

Part 1 – Nature, A Gateway to Inner Peace

Nature – A Gateway to Inner Peace
© Dane Roubos, D.C.

Most people feel drawn to nature in some way. Some of us are die-hard nature lovers, attracted to anything from a potted plant to a remote, beautiful wilderness. Others may be drawn to a specific aspect of nature; water being the most popular.

What is it about nature that draws us? Exploring this for your self can lead to some valuable insights, so let’s take a look. Take a moment and imagine you’re having your favorite nature experience. Notice the “feeling” that comes when you think of this, and enjoy it for a couple of minutes before we go on.

If you have trouble connecting with a nature memory or visualizing it, try being with the accompanying photo, thinking as little as possible for a minute or two, with the intention of receiving it in your heart. It’s best to do this in a quiet place, without distractions. (Maximizing your browser window might help if you don’t see the whole photo)

Naming the “feeling” is not particularly important, but it’s often described as peace, stillness, unity, joy, love, etc. While all these are pleasurable, I think there is a lot more to our nature attraction than a pleasant feeling.

A Deeper Connection
Throughout our travels and backyard wanderings, Ariel and I have felt we were “feeding our souls” with nature, replenishing something that had been drained away by dealing with life in the complex, and often stressful, “civilized world” of human society.

I believe there’s another aspect of our attraction to, and need for, nature in our lives. Here it is (thunder roll please): consider the possibility that Nature reminds us of aspects of ourselves we’ve lost touch with, or forgotten. In other words, the good feelings we have when we’re around nature are naturally part of who we are. And these feelings, as good as they are, are probably only a faint glimmer of what is really there.

Deep in our soul rests a memory of our connection to Spirit, the Essence of Who We Are, beyond the confines of our body and mind. Here, we are whole and complete, without need for the conditional approval of society.

We embodied this sense of connection as young children, but gradually lost it as we adopted the beliefs of those around us, and learned to see ourselves as separate from God, Nature and each other.  Our preoccupation with the growing demands and distractions of the world also drew our attention away from this natural state.

Most of us have forgotten this early experience because of the strength of our developing mind and our culture’s belief in this apparent separation.  Spending quiet time with nature is a way to nurture this essential aspect of ourselves; keeping our batteries charged and our hearts connected to what is real and meaningful for us.

Even if you do not resonate with this idea, there are many benefits of spending time with nature in your favorite ways, particularly those which foster slowing your pace and quieting your mind. This, by itself, is known to relieve stress and improve health & well-being. You don’t have to be a card-carrying tree-hugger to receive some goodies from the trees!

Using nature to foster inner peace – a simple practice
The necessary ingredients are:
• A willingness to take time out from your usual activities, and allow yourself to be still.
• A quiet place in natural surroundings – it helps to have a spot or two close to your home where you can easily go for brief periods.

Get comfortable in your chosen spot.  If you’re sitting, it helps to have your back straight (rather than slouched), so you can breathe fully and easily.  Lying on Mother Earth is a wonderful way to absorb her calming energy.  If you’re adventurous, you might enjoy a comfy tree!

Make it your choice to engage with nature for a brief time, instead of the many thoughts that are likely to come, demanding your immediate attention. That stuff can wait 20 minutes, can it not? Use whatever time period works for you – as long as it’s enough for you to slow down and connect.  Even five minutes of good nature time can help you settle into a more peaceful space.

Allow your eyes to touch the beauty and life surrounding you, and open your heart as best you can to appreciate what is here in this moment.  Absorbing the simple elegance of a flower, cloud or water drop can soothe a stressful situation by bringing you back to the present from anxious thoughts about an imagined future.

No words or mental concepts are required. In fact, words and concepts tend to get in the way of a deeper experience of your heart, which your mind cannot grasp. Your mind can only think about your experience – it cannot have it.

Close your eyes and allow your awareness to drop beneath thought and words.  Nature’s sounds or a gentle breeze on your cheek might lull you into stillness.  Follow your breathing and simply feel what is in your body, your heart, and the earth upon which you rest.  When thoughts come knocking, simply return your awareness to your senses, body and breath.

Give this mini-vacation to yourself as often as you can, and let nature nurture your inner peace!

Peace & Blessings,
Dr. Dane

Go to: Part 2 – Cultivating Stillness

Go to: Part 3 – From Head to Heart

Part 3 – From Head to Heart

In Part 2 we talked about Stillness, and placing your attention in your heart area (about in the center of your chest) as a way of calming the mind chatter that “disturbs your peace.” Perhaps this worked well for you and you are still happily “hearting” away. Or perhaps you tried it a couple of times and gave up or forgot about it because the results were not instantaneous or earth-shaking.

This is understandable because it is not an easy thing to do. The mind doesn’t want to focus its attention on the heart; it would rather spin its wheels and continue thinking it’s the one in charge; the one with all the right answers. If the truth be known, these lower minds of ours don’t care for this “stillness” business, and see no point in it.

In case your mind is having a little trouble remembering what stillness is good for, here’s a refresher: Stillness creates a calming and healing effect on all the cells of the body, offering the very best in stress reduction. Practicing stillness helps reduce automatic reactions to people and events and supports you in being calmly present in the moment.

Stillness allows an opportunity for our Creator’s Voice to get a Word in edgewise. And if that isn’t enough, practicing stillness helps those restless hamsters of yours to chill out. If your response is, “What hamsters?” please review Part 2.

Living from Our Head
Most of us in “civilized” culture have the long-standing habit of trying to run our lives from our heads – trying to figure it all out in advance. It is a pie-in-the-sky notion that doesn’t work very well in actuality. But we keep trying anyway because it is the only way we know, and we know it so well.

This is not to discredit all the contributions the mind has made to humanity over the centuries. It is important, however, to acknowledge what occurs when the mind, like a King without a Queen, refuses to share its dominion with the heart. All masculine (mind) without the balance of the feminine (heart) makes Jack a dangerous boy (or Jill a dangerous girl).

It looks to me like the mess we’ve created in the world is the direct result of too much head and not enough heart. In our attempts to control nature and other people, all manner of technological wonders have been created. Technology (mind) without compassion (heart) doesn’t usually solve the problems it purports to solve, and actually creates new problems, which the mind then rides out on its white horse again to try to fix.

Examples of this principle include things like bombs, chemicalized agriculture with genetically modified crops, building cities protected by levees, and drugs like thalidomide (caused birth defects). They appear to offer a solution in the short term, but eventually contribute to more (and usually bigger) problems in the future.

Not that you should immediately bring your mind in to the nearest recycling center – it does come in handy for such things as remembering where you left your car keys and balancing your checkbook, not to mention running a computer. As some wise person once said, “Don’t leave home without it!” (maybe that was an American Express card? Anyway, you get the idea.)

The trick is to use our heart and mind in balance when we are going about our daily activities and making choices each moment that will affect our future. This balance is particularly important when it comes to our relationship with ourselves, each other and with God. I will say more about this in a moment, but first I have a quick experiment for you.

A Brief Experiment
Take a moment right now and notice where the center of your awareness is in your body. Where does your primary sense of “I” or “me” live in your body? Hint: you are probably not sitting on it – but if you are, then drop your computer and go see your therapist immediately! Seriously, just bring your attention inside, and see where “you” live in there. If you’re not sure where you feel your awareness centered, check in at other times during the day and you will begin to get a sense of it.

If you can’t feel anything, there is a 99.99% probability that you are mostly centered in your head. Don’t worry – while it may be terminal if left to its own devices, it’s not incurable!

By now, you’ve probably discovered the secret location to be . . . (surprise!) in your head (unless you are a hormone-charged teenager, in which case it might be somewhere else . So what does this have to do with your life and your relationships?

Think of a recent time when you reacted in a negative or hurtful way to someone you love – something you were sorry for later (this is usually a no-brainer for most of us). Got one? Good! Now, see if you can recall, or sense, where you were “coming from” in your body at that moment. Was it head, heart?

If something “goes wrong” in your relationship with another, or you’re “beating yourself up” over something, you’re most likely coming from your head (or ego-mind), and you’re experiencing the results of action taken without consulting your heart. Said another way, a lot of suffering is created by the mind acting on its own, without the heart’s harmonizing influence.

So, how do you apply this wisdom in your daily life? As you have no doubt already discovered, it’s not an easy thing to change the head habit! But I’m here to tell you that if heart-centerd living is something you really want, it will gradually come to you with persistent practice. I’ve been consciously working on it for many years, and it gradually keeps getting better. Here are some suggestions.

Practical Application

1. Practice bringing your awareness/attention into your heart area as often as you can think of it throughout the day (or night).
2. When you go into prayer or meditation, see if you can enter into this space from your heart. If your relationship with your Creator is more conceptual (thinking), see if you can “feel” the Creator’s presence in your heart, and/or pray from your heart.
3. When you feel stressed in any way (any time you feel the slightest bit of emotional discomfort), remember to bring your awareness into your heart and hold it there for a while. A new insight may come to you as you do this.
4. When you feel the urge to blurt out something hurtful, or do anything you’ll later regret, do your best to:

• Recognize that something painful in you is being triggered (and that whatever you’re thinking will seem completely “justified”).
• Keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself. If possible, remove yourself from the situation and find a place where you can “be still.”
• Bring your awareness into your heart (and keep bringing it back to your heart when your mind starts arguing). Keep your awareness in your heart until you feel your balance returning.
• Be aware of energy (emotions) in other parts of your body as well. The solar plexus or gut area is a common place to feel this. The key is to simply view the emotion as energy, while letting go of any “story” attached to it. Feel it and allow it to move without physically acting on it, or making it up into something it’s not. An example of a story might be anything that makes you or another other person out to be the bad one, or wrong in some way. Such stories keep the “problem” anchored in place.
• Ask your Higher Power to show you what your own inner needs are (that are not being met), and to guide you in healing your own pain.

Number 4 is usually a real challenge.  Yet, with persistence , it will allow you to gradually open up your heart and bring enough healing to those painful parts to soothe their reactive nature.  It will help you gain mastery over those old reactive patterns that have caused mischief in your life.  And yes, it will help you find more stillness, peace and love, and to share it with others – the stuff that really matters in life!

Please seek professional assistance if you are stuck in a pattern that holds any violence to yourself or others, or if the emotions coming to the surface seem too big to handle on your own.

May you be well, be happy, and be in your heart!

Blessings,
Dr Dane

Go to: Part 1 – Nature’s Attraction

Go to: Part 2 – Cultivating Stillness